


ghost in your eardrum

by Olsies



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Werewolves Are Known, Break Up, F/M, Gender Appropriate Dirty Talk, Kid!Scott, Kid!Stiles, M/M, Masturbation, Misgendering, Scott and Stiles are siblings, Smoking, Transphobia, front hole fucking, stoner!derek, trans guy!derek hale, using drugs and alcohol to cope with life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-05-20 14:04:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6010170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Olsies/pseuds/Olsies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>in which derek hale is kind of (really!) a mess, and it's not really his fault but everything is fucked anyway.</p><p>***</p><p>Derek skated to the gas station down the block and bought two packs of Camel crushes, chain smoked half a pack, and eventually, shoved the packs in his back pocket and skated over to the family housing dorms where he found Bo playing with his kids at the park. Bo smiled warmly as Derek rolled up. Stiles and Scott played nearby as Derek sat next to his friend.</p><p>“Again?” This was not the first time he and Jennifer had broken up in the last few years, although this one had a finality to it that the others had been missing. They had never not talked about it before.</p><p>“Yeah…” He managed, the rest of the words getting lost in his throat. Bo knew. Bo understood, had been there not from the start, but pretty close to the start. Back when Derek looked completely different and had just started T, back when Derek still had breasts and was often mistaken for a lesbian.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know what to say about this fic except that i'm having a lot of fun writing it.
> 
> also, the sheriff's name is bo, short for bolek, because 1. it's polish, and 2. i hate the name john.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Derek didn’t look at the customers standing before him (which was fine because they were all caught up in their own conversation with their friend), barely saw the product in front of him. All he cared about was the time. _Two minutes fifty-five seconds, two minutes fifty-four seconds, two minutes…_ He ran out of product and hit total.

“That’ll be $47.35,” he said and the woman looked up smiling.

“How are you?” She asked as she pulled out her wallet, her fingers flitting over the material to find the right card.

“Good,” Derek grunted. The woman’s face fell a little and Derek smiled a little wider. “Can’t complain, my shift is almost over…” He tried again and the woman perked up as she poked at the card reader.

“That’s cool, got any plans?” She asked. Derek nodded a little, but offered nothing more.

“Would you like your receipt?” Derek asked holding it out to her after it popped up.

“Thanks, have a great day,” the woman said and she and her friend left with their purchases. Derek glanced at the clock. _Forty-five seconds._ Derek looked around for his manager but another customer with a large cart got in line, distributing his items on the conveyor belt. Derek groaned inwardly as he started scanning the items. Boyd came up to him with Isaac a minute later.

“Sorry,” Isaac muttered as they adjusted their money drawer they were carrying. “My car got a flat and-” Derek cut him off with a look and Isaac looked down, biting his lip.

“The customer…” Boyd whispered and Derek looked back at the man who was smiling widely at Derek.

“How much is this?” He asked again holding out an item. Derek didn’t even look at it, just scanned it.

“$140.92,” Derek said. The man bit his lip, frowning.

“Ah, well…” Derek looked down, biting back his sigh. In his hand he held a package of stuffed olives. “I’m-I’m sorry, I-”

“It’s fine,” Derek said shoving the container into the go backs. He looked down the conveyor belt and scanned the last few items as the man got out his wallet, pushing the card reader early.

“And can I get ten ones back?” The man asked as the computer prompted Derek to give him $20 cash back. Derek grunted a little, counting the money.

“One ten or two fives?” He asked, hands poised over the money.

“One ten is fine,” the man said and Derek nodded, pulling it out.

“Today you saved $7.34. Here’s your change and have a nice day,” Derek spat out and immediately started pulling his drawer out as another customer hesitated to come closer.

“It’s fine,” Boyd called. “Just switching cashiers out…” The woman smiled a little and stepped closer so she could begin go put her items on the conveyor belt.

“Later,” Derek said to Isaac as Boyd walked him to the back to count out his drawer before heading back to campus and back to Jennifer. Derek was so distracted, he barely even noticed when Boyd dismissed him and had to be prodded out of the way so Boyd could put the money in the safe.

“I hope you aren’t driving,” Boyd teased. “You might run into a tree going five miles an hour…” Derek shook his head and grabbed his skateboard, and headed home. He and Jennifer were celebrating their three year anniversary in a few days and Derek wanted to go over their plans again one more time so everything could be perfect. He got to his hall, waved at a few people, but made a beeline for the elevator eager to have some alone time with Jen. Getting off on his floor, he saw Bo coming towards him.

“Off to see the kids?” Derek asked and Bo smiled.

“Yup, givin’ their mama’s the night off…” Bo said and Derek high fived him.

“Thanks for giving us the room…” Derek said and Bo smiled again.

“Any time,” they hugged and Derek walked to his room and smiled wider as he saw Jennifer.

“Hey, babe,” he said kissing Jennifer’s head and flopping to his desk chair, groaning, and leaning back, his old white tee riding up, his knees stretching through the holes of his jeans. “Did you bring the movie?” Jennifer smiled at him, but her lip trembled a little. Derek dropped his hands to his knees and leaned towards her. “Hey, you ok?” He asked and Jennifer sniffled a little.

“I-” She started and cleared her throat. “Der…” Derek touched her knee and she took his hand. “Derek, it’s-” Derek leaned forward a little, waiting for the words that were stuck in her throat. “This isn’t easy to say…” She managed at last.

“It’s ok,” Derek murmured, squeezing her hand in his. He was suddenly aware of how small his hands were, how close they were in size to her hands. “Just go slow…” She tried to laugh but it came out more of a strangled sob.

“I don’t- I don’t know how to say this… without… without hurting you. And I don’t want- I wish I could say this without hurting you…” Derek barely breathed, just held onto her hand. He felt like he knew what she was going to say, but couldn’t bring himself to save her. Not this time. “When we first started dating, you were- you were so different. I can’t even see who you used to be. You’re just not who I fell in love with anymore and you haven’t been for a long time. I can’t help but miss the _woman_ you used to be.” Derek pulled back out of her reach, his whole body stiff. Neither of them said anything for several tense moments. “I’m- I’m still a lesbian, and while I care about you, but... I can’t lie anymore. This- us- it’s not- it’s nothing I ever wanted…” Something in Derek’s brain clicked and he felt himself going numb.

“Get out,” he said no longer looking at her.

“Derek, can’t we- can’t we talk about this?” She asked but Derek just grabbed her bag from the floor, went to the door, and threw it as hard as he could into the hall.

“Get. Out.” He didn’t even raise his voice and it didn’t crack or tremble even though he felt like he might shatter into a thousand pieces. Jennifer blinked a few times before bursting into tears and tearing out of the room. Derek slammed the door as she left, locking the door and pacing around the room, his heart pounding. He took several deep breaths before grabbing his keys, phone, and board before leaving in the opposite way Jennifer had. The other guys in the hall stared at him, but said nothing, glancing away as soon as he looked at them.

He skated to the gas station down the block and bought two packs of Camel crushes. He chain smoked half a pack with shaking hands in an hour while sitting on the curb watching cars come in and out. Eventually, he shoved the packs in his back pocket and skated over to the family housing dorms where he found Bo playing with his kids at the park. Bo smiled warmly (if somewhat confused) as Derek rolled up. Stiles and Scott rushed over to him, each of them grabbing one of his legs.

“Derry! Derry! Piggyback ride, Derry!” They chanted and Derek smiled at them.

“Maybe later, kiddos,” he said and they laughed, running off to jump on the carousel.

“Spin us, Der!” Stiles called and Scott nodded.

“Please, Derbear…” He called and Derek went over to spin them around a few times before he went over to Bo, pulling the cigarettes out of his back pocket, offering the other man one.

“Again?” Bo asked taking out a couple of cigarettes while Derek nodded and dug around in his pocket for a his lighter. Derek handed over the pink lighter before taking one of the cigarettes from Bo. This was not the first time he and Jennifer had broken up in the last few years, although this one had a finality to it that the others had been missing. They had never not talked about it before.

“Yeah…” He managed, the rest of the words getting lost in his throat. Bo knew. Bo understood, had been there not from the start, but pretty close to the start. Back when Derek looked completely different and had just started T, back when Derek still had breasts and was often mistaken for a lesbian. It had been at least a year since Derek had been misgendered by a stranger, but he knew that Jennifer had issues with him being trans and it had only gotten worse over the past summer when he got his breasts removed leaving nothing more than heavy scarring. In reality, Derek couldn’t really blame her because she _was_ a lesbian and had just happened to fall in love with him at the wrong time, but still he wished it could be different, that things could be and were different. Derek’s hands shook so hard he couldn’t even light his own cigarette and Bo had to do it for him. Derek took a long drag and looked at the two little boys playing. Stiles was now pushing Scott as hard as he could on the swings and Derek _almost but not really_ wished he could go back to their age. _Almost but not really…_ After Derek pulled out a second cigarette, Bo leaned over and pulled Derek close, his weight comforting even in the evening heat.

“Do you want me to call Melissa and Claudia to come home? Or I could have Allie’s parents watch them…” Bo offered but Derek shook his head a little.

“Is it ok if I stay here for a while though?” Derek asked and Bo nodded as he finished his cigarette.

“Of course… Whatever you need, whatever you think will help…” Derek nodded and bit his lip.

“Dad, can we get pizza?” Scott asked suddenly from where he hung upside down on the monkey bars.

“Yeah! Can we?” Stiles pleaded a little and Bo smiled.

“Oh come on now, mom’s meatloaf isn’t that bad…” Derek chortled a little and just shook his head.

“Oh yes it is,” he muttered under his breath and Bo elbowed him. Derek loved Claudia dearly but she could not cook meatloaf to save her life.

“But-” Stiles started and Scott cut him off.

“We’ll eat it if you and Derry take us out to ice cream afterwards…” Scott offered. Bo looked at Derek.

“You up for that?” Derek took a deep breath and nodded, yes. “Ok, kids, you have yourselves a deal…” Bo yelled back. “Time to go in and wash up. Scott and Stiles groaned a little, but came in quickly enough, the promise of ice cream absorbing their thoughts as they rushed past the adults and into the house to wash their hands and help set the table.

The meatloaf _really_ was terrible and Derek would have much preferred pizza but he just poured ketchup on the meat and helped Scott and Stiles who hadn’t yet quite mastered the use of forks. They ate fairly quickly despite the dryness of the meatloaf and helped clean up with minimal protest so they were being strapped into the backseat and they were heading down the road before they knew it. Derek sat in the front seat wishing he could put his feet on the dash, but they were in Melissa’s car and she had sworn to kill him if he ever put his feet on dash, swearing it took an hour to get all the black marks off. They got to the ice cream shop quickly, Stiles and Scott both screaming, “I scream, you scream, WE ALL SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM!” At the top of their lungs as soon as they saw the shop. Derek rubbed his forehead a little, tired already, and slightly regretting agreeing to this outing.

Once out of the car, Stiles tried to rush across the parking lot, but Derek caught his hand at the last moment.

“And where do you think you’re going without a grown up?” Derek asked as Stiles glanced up at him.

“You’re not a grown up!” Stiles countered and Derek just laughed.

“I’m not, am I?” He asked and picked up Stiles, flipping him upside down. “I’m not?!” Stiles giggled, struggling against him. Bo came around the car with Scott in hand.

“What’s going on here?” He asked smiling.

“Someone thinks I’m not a grown up…” Derek explained and Bo made a face. Derek rolled his eyes and sighed. “Well, if I’m not a grown up, how are we going to cross the parking lot? Bo only has two hands.”

“You can hold onto the back of dad’s back pocket,” Scott suggested reasonably, and Derek blushed a little.

“I think that we’ll be just fine if we all hold hands,” Bo said instead. Derek put Stiles on the ground and they all walked across the asphalt to the shop. Scott and Stiles both started jumping up and down as soon as Bo and Derek let them go in the shop. Stiles rushed immediately to the glass where he started jumping up and down trying to find the different flavors.

“Scott. Help me!” Scott rushed over to his brother and dropped to his knees without thought. Stiles went to jump on him, but Bo grabbed him instead.

“How about you _not_ kill your brother?” Bo asked as Derek picked up Scott.

“What flavor do you want today?” Derek asked.

“Pistachio!” Scott and announced and Derek winced a little.

“Pistachio? Gross…” Derek said and Scott giggled.

“Have you ever tried it, Derbear?” Derek shook his head a little.

“Derek is always a slut for chocolate ice cream,” Stiles announced and everyone in the shop turned to stare at them all. Derek blushed and kept his eyes down, but Bo _tsked_ his eldest son.

“Where on _earth_ did you hear that?” Bo asked.

“Derek says it every time we get ice cream…” Stiles said. “Can I be a slut for-” Bo shoved his hand over Stiles’s mouth.

“No! Nobody’s a slut for anything!” Bo said quietly. “Can we just stop saying that? Ok. Now. Stiles. What would you like?”

“Strawberry!” Stiles yelled and Bo groaned again.

“Inside voices…” He chided softly. Stiles covered his mouth and giggled.

“Sorry!” He whispered loudly. “Can I have strawberry, please, daddy?” He asked and Bo smiled softly.

“Of course…” They turned to the workers who were all staring at Stiles in his father’s arms trying their damndest to not laugh.

“So, one cho- chocolate cup? And one- one strawberry? And a- a pistachio?” A young red head asked, snorting with laughter. “One scoop or two? And what about you sir?”

“One scoop for everyone is fine, and I’ll just take strawberry cheesecake,” Bo said blushing furiously. The workers laughed a little more.

“We’ve heard and seen way worse,” one of the other workers assured him, but it didn’t really help much, and he still wished the ground would open up and swallow him. His whole body felt like it was on fire.

After eating their ice cream, they went back to Melissa and Claudia’s to get Stiles and Scott in the bath before bed. Stiles hated baths and as such, Scott was usually about to get out before Stiles even got in, and tonight was no different. In fact, tonight Scott had taken his bath, gotten read his bedtime stories, and had fallen asleep before Stiles had even taken off his shirt. When Melissa and Claudia got home, Stiles had his underwear on his head and was dancing on the kitchen table.

“ _What do you think you are doing, Stiles_?” Claudia snapped and Stiles slid so fast off the table, Derek swore he _flew_.

“Nothing, mommy! It’s bath time!” He ran to the bathroom while Derek stared in awe.

“How-”

“It’s all in the tone… Something Stilinski here hasn’t quite figured out yet…” Melissa explained, slapping Derek’s shoulder as she passed on her way to the bathroom while Bo just sort of kept staring at the table in awe.

“We tried everything…” He sighed. “Well, I’m exhausted and have an early class, and you’ve _obviously_ got _this_ all under control, so Derek and I are just gonna- let’s-” He grabbed Derek’s shirt dragging him out of the apartment while Claudia just laughed. They climbed in Bo’s car, Derek shoving his skateboard in the backseat before getting in the passenger seat.

“You mind if I smoke?” Derek asked, and Bo took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“Only if I can have one,” Bo said. Derek pulled out a couple of cigarettes and lit them at the same time, handing Bo one without looking at it. He pushed buttons on the radio, trying to find a good song, but just grunted at it, pushing the off button as Bo rolled the windows down. “How you holding up?” Bo asked and took a drag of his cigarette.

“I’m-” Derek started but stopped. Now that the kids weren’t there taking up all of his energy, everything else came flooding back. He pulled out his phone and checked his text messages. Nothing. He felt sick. “Tired…” He finally managed knowing Bo wouldn’t let him leave it at that.

“Understandable,” Bo said watching Derek out of the corner of his eye as he drove to the other side of campus. They finished smoking their cigarettes in the parking lot before going up to their room, not saying anything. Bo unlocked the door and flopped on his bed as Derek dropped his board to the floor, letting his body sag a little until he saw the note on the bed. He knew that she didn’t leave it there on accident, knew it had been purposeful, and bile rose in his throat. He didn’t move for almost a minute. Bo didn’t notice at first, but when he saw him he laughed it off at first.

“What are you doing, you goof? Why don’t you go lay down?” Bo asked as Derek took a step towards his bed, his heart pounding, but he didn’t- couldn’t answer Bo. He took another step and picked up the paper, unfolding it slowly.

_Dear Derek,_  
_If you’re reading this, it means that we weren’t able to talk earlier, and I just-_

Bo ripped the paper out of Derek’s shaking hands, tearing it in four pieces.

“What are _you_ doing?!” Derek yelled and lunged at the paper, but Bo held it out of his reach.

“This is how it happens! This is how she gets you back and fucks with you, Derek! I’m tired of watching-”

“Just let me-” Bo balled up the paper, shoved it in his mouth, and chewed. Derek glowered at him. “Was that really-”

“Are you serious?” Bo asked around the wad of paper.

“Spit it out!” Derek growled grabbing a garbage. “That’s a bowel obstruction waiting to happen…” Bo spat it out and Derek threw the garbage to the side of the room.

“I can’t believe you ate the note…”

“I can’t believe you were going to _read_ the note…” Bo replied and took a deep breath. “What happened this time?”

“I’m a man… She’s a lesbian…” Derek managed. “Things… things have been hard since I had my top surgery this summer. She wouldn’t let me take off my shirt when we had sex because she wanted to cry every time she saw my scars…” Bo sighed nodded a little. Derek flopped onto Bo’s bed, curling up on his side. Bo slid next to him, wrapping his arms around his friend.

“Is there anything I can do?” Bo asked.

“This…” He took a deep breath. “This is fine… This… This is good…” Derek managed. Neither of them moved or said anything for a long time, and just when Bo thought Derek had fallen asleep when the other man stiffened and his breath caught in his throat.

“Derek?” Bo whispered but Derek just clung to him, a strangled sob escaping despite himself. “Oh, Derek… It’s ok. I’m here. I’ve got you. It will be ok…” Bo murmured, stroking his arm and holding him tightly. “Let it out. Let it all out…” Derek just nodded, sniffled, and sobbed into Bo’s pillow until he passed out.


	2. Chapter 2

A few weeks later Derek stood in the shower, fingers between his legs, panting into the shower wall, moving his fingers as fast as he could. Curling his toes, his breath caught in his throat, he was just on the cusp of coming when the bathroom door opened and Derek jerked, slipping to the bottom of the tub.

“Sorry! I- I just needed my deodorant! Are you ok?” Bo yelled as Derek pulled himself up, groaning.

“Yeah, I do that everytime I shower…” Derek lied as grabbed his shampoo and started to wash his hair as his heart raced and his shin throbbed. He was sure it was bruised.

“Sorry! I knocked but the music is so loud…” He yelled and Derek grunted.

“Is it bothering you?” He asked.

“It’s fine… Leaving now… You can go back to-”

“Don’t you _even_ finish that Bolek Stilinski or I swear I will kill you!” Derek yelled and Bo ducked out laughing. Derek grumbled low in his throat and kept scrubbing himself. Overall, the past few weeks had been ok, but with Jennifer gone, Derek realized just how much they had sex and had to wonder at how either of their roommates put up with it. The worst part about her being gone was Derek just wanted to hump anything and everything.

Even Bobby Finstock was starting to look good and he was a pile of mess that Derek just did not want to deal with.

Derek got out of the shower, dried off enough to pull on his boxers and rushed out to the front room to pound on Bo some before he realized Melissa was there with the boys and just about died of embarrassment at being seen in only his skivvies. Apologizing profusely, he retreated back into the bathroom and took his time pulling on some clothes before he went back out. Melissa and the boys were gone, but Bo was sitting at his desk dicking around on Facebook.

“I hate you so much…” Derek growled as he threw his dirty clothes in his laundry basket.

“Aww, you don’t mean that…” Bo laughed and Derek blushed.

“Well, you do suck…” Bo looked like he was about to say something, but thought better of it as Derek sat on his bed and pulled out some (probably) clean socks, shoving them on his feet before slamming them in some shoes and grabbing his bag to leave. As he put his hand on the door, Bo stopped him.

“I have a buddy who is looking for a date Saturday night. Super low-key, probably just dinner and a movie,” Bo blurted out and Derek just sort of stared at him.

“Am I- Is it-” Derek started and stopped. “Yeah, sure, whatever. Just tell me the details later; I’m gonna be late.” He rushed out the door, leaving his keys, phone, and wallet but realized it before he got too far. He turned back to the room and practically tripped all over himself when he went back in his room, Bo just staring at him laughing a little. Derek wished he could drop into the recesses of the Earth but instead found his way to his Psych 320 class 20 minutes early and without one of his books.

_Super great way to start the week…_ he thought to himself as he blushed furiously at his notes, wishing they were more detailed as the other students started trickling in around him.

***

Derek swore he wouldn’t sleep with Chris on their first date, but he made the mistake of agreeing to see a movie. By the time the opening credits were over, Derek had sucked a dark hickey onto Chris’s neck. Occasionally they would try to pretend like they weren’t dying to just rip each other’s clothes off right there in the theater by pointing out something going on in the movie, but then a few minutes later Chris or Derek would start it up again.

By the time they got to the car, Derek was so turned on he was vibrating.

“Do you wanna-” “Can we-” They both started as they closed their doors. They laughed a little.

“You first,” Chris offered.

“Can we go back to your place?” Derek asked and Chris nodded.

“You read my mind…” He turned the car on and later, when Derek thought about the night later, he would never be able to remember just exactly _how_ they got home without crashing; they could barely keep their hands off of each other. Once at Chris’s they spent several long moments at the front door, Derek pushed roughly against it while Chris barely kept from fucking into him right then and there. When they finally made it in the apartment, they helped strip off each other’s clothes on their way to Chris’s bed. Derek wasn’t sure how or if Chris knew about him, but Chris didn’t falter for a minute when Derek took off his pants revealing himself. He just dropped to his knees and began sucking dark hickeys into Derek’s thighs before eventually taking Derek into his mouth and sucking him off until Derek was practically levitating off the bed, squealing and squeaking despite himself.

“Fucking Christ…” He managed once he caught his breath. Chris hummed in agreement, fingers gently touching Derek’s thick scars on his chest.

“Who did your surgery?” Chris asked after a minute, startling Derek. “I’ve been with some other guys like you, but…”

“It’s complicated,” Derek said taking Chris’s hand.

“I didn’t know that wolves _could_ transition,” Chris mumbled, and Derek shrugged a little.

“It helps that my uncle is a really powerful alpha and had a powerful wolfsbane that my aunts found in South America. The scarring was just a side effect…” Chris nodded and kissed one of the scars.

“How do you feel about them?” He asked, fingers gently tracing over the deep grooves.

“I like them,” Derek said. “I’m not sure if I’m supposed to, but they remind me of my family’s love for me, and the lengths they are willing to go to support me. Chris smiled a little.

“You’re really lucky…” He mumbled and then slid up to kiss Derek again before pulling out a condom and some lube. “Time for round two…”

***

A few days later, Derek sat in the library staring blankly at his computer screen when Chris passed him on the way to the bathroom. He paused and watched Derek for a minute, but Derek didn’t move.

“You ok?” Chris asked. Derek jumped a little, blinking up at Chris.

“What? Oh. How are you?” He asked rubbing his face a little.

“I’m fine,” Chris laughed a little. “How are you?”

“Exhausted…” Derek admitted. “I’ve been here for the past…” He checked his phone. “Shit, seven hours… I was supposed to meet Bo two hours ago…” He had four missed texts and had a voice mail from Bo.

“Everything going ok?” Chris asked, and Derek nodded.

“I haven’t been sleeping all that well since… Since my girlfriend and I broke up. Everything’s been kind of a mess…” He admitted and then could have kicked himself. New people didn’t want to talk about old people, even if they weren’t looking for anything serious.

“Ah,” Chris said.

“It was on again off again, and really- I mean… From the get go, she identified as a lesbian… And she knew that I was trans, but still.” He shook his head a little and started to shove things in his bag. “It was really stupid on both of our parts, but you know… I don’t know.” He shrugged a little.

“That sounds rough,” Chris muttered, and Derek shrugged a little.

“I mean yeah, but at least now it’s over. She made it perfectly clear that my dudeliness was an issue for her that she wasn’t going to be able to work through, and now it’s over.” Chris chuckled a little.

“‘Dudeliness?’ Really?” Derek rolled his eyes, laughing too.

“Or whatever…” He shoved his last stack of papers in his bag and threw it over his shoulder as he got up. “Wanna come hang out with us? We’re gonna get pizza and beer down at Red’s…”

“Sure,” Chris said. “Just gotta pee and grab my stuff.” Chris walked off as Derek called Bo.

“Hey, sorry. I got caught up in studying and then zoned out for a bit…” Derek said as Bo answered.

“No big,” Bo replied. “I’m already here and got us a table.”

“Oh, I’m sorry!”

“Nah, it’s cool. Parrish is here too flirting with the bartender and getting us a couple free pitchers of beer.”

“Oh score! Is it ok if Chris comes too?”

“Yeah, no prob,” Bo said. “See you in a bit…”

“See you,” Derek called back and clicked off. Chris came out a moment later.

“Ready, babe?” He asked, and Derek nodded. They walked over to where Chris had been sitting, got his stuff, and walked down to Derek’s car. They drove to the bar which was a few blocks over, parked, and walked into the bar in time to help Parrish with a couple pitchers and some free hot wings.

“You get your paper done?” Bo asked as Derek set down the pitcher and cups he’d carried over. Derek made a face and Bo laughed a little.

“It’s just a draft and it’s not due till Thursday… I have time,” Derek said as he sat, the others shoving in more wings and cups on the table. Parrish squished in the booth next to Bo which left Chris to scoot in next to Derek.

“You’re a terrible procrastinator…” Bo chided but Derek just rolled his eyes, smirking.

“This coming from the man who once wrote a ten page research paper the night before it was due and made me walk with him to the gas station at four in the morning despite the fact that _I_ had a 7:30 class,” Derek groused and Bo blushed.

“That was also the same week the boys and I came down with the chicken pox…” Bo pointed out, laughing.

“Excuses, excuses…” Derek muttered and everyone laughed. Bo kicked at Derek but Chris’s leg was in the way.

“Fuck!” Chris yelped.

“Sorry!” Bo laughed and Chris rolled his eyes.

“Whatever asshole.” Everyone laughed again. Derek rubbed Chris’s leg and Chris just smiled at him a little, leaning into him gently. They spent the next several hours talking loudly about classes, Bo’s children, and graduation. Despite it being so far off for all of them, they all talked about what they were going to do once they left college, like doing undergrad was some sort of prison sentence. They were always waiting for tomorrow.

“Well, I didn’t wait…” Bo finally announced during a lull. The others looked up at him. “I wanted kids and I had them. Life goals complete.”

“You’re drunk!” Parrish slurred and they all laughed.

“Didn’t you start this whole conversation saying you wished you could go on more adventures?” Chris challenged and Bo blushed a little.

“Yes, well, tomorrow won’t ever come because Stiles will just punch it in the nuts…” Derek and Parrish snorted into their beers while Chris raised his eyebrow.

“Stiles went through this phase where he thought it was hilarious to smack dudes in the nuts until he met Derek…” Bo explained through his laughter. Chris wrinkled his face trying to not laugh.

“What happened when he met you?” Chris asked.

“I didn’t go down and immediately popped him on the ass…” Derek said and they all laughed.

“His face was great,” Derek said wiping some tears from his eyes. “He just stared up at me like I was a god or something and didn’t even scream when I spanked him, just stared at me with the widest eyes and then ran off before I could even say anything.” They all laughed some more.

“And he’s _never_ hit anyone else?” Chris asked.

“Not to our knowledge,” Bo said taking a deep breath. He checked his phone. “Speaking of which, I need to get going… I have the boys tomorrow morning…” He got unsteadily to his feet and then sat back down. “But first bills and Ubers… Because no one is even thinking about driving, right?” Bo asked, pointing at everyone, and they all shook their heads solemnly.

“I’m so _not_ ready for bed…” Derek complained softly after paying his tab.

“Wanna come over and watch a movie?” Chris offered and Bo started elbowing Derek in the side.

“ _Watch a movie…_ ” He wheezed as Derek elbowed him back harder than he meant making Bo double over in pain and laughter.

“Idiot,” Derek laughed as he put an arm out to help his friend up. After all their bills were paid, they stood out front waiting for their Ubers. Parrish also lived on campus so he and Bo were going to split theirs. Bo and Parrish’s arrived first, and as Bo hugged Derek goodbye, he shoved a bunch of condoms in his back pocket, some of them spilling to the ground.

“The fuck?” Derek asked, laughing, and Bo just smiled up at him, slapping his cheek a little.

“Play safe, bro. Play safe.” And then he was gone, leaving Derek to just roll his eyes and pick up the discarded condoms.

“I think your friend has some seriously high expectations for my dick,” Chris joked as he helped grab them. Derek just blushed.

“I’m really sorry… We don’t normally drink this much and-” But Chris just laughed and threw an arm around Derek’s shoulders kissing his cheek.

“Don’t worry, _bro_ ,” he teased and Derek elbowed him in the side.

“Shut up already,” he groaned and turned to pull Chris into a deep kiss. The Uber pulled up a few minutes later, and they got in giggling and trying to keep their hands off each other (but failing abysmally). By the time they got to Chris’s, Derek didn’t think they would make it all the way up the stairs and to his bed again before bursting, but he did. As soon as Chris started closing the door, Derek tugged out of his pants and tugged off his shirt so he was in just his boxers and socks. Chris smiled a little as Derek jumped in his arms, wrapping his legs around Chris’s middle leaving Chris to cradle his ass, pulling him closer.

“I need your dick in me _now_...” Derek growled, body thrumming. Chris just nodded as he walked to the bedroom. He didn’t even bother to take off his clothes, just shoved his pants and shorts down enough to free his hard cock and slip a condom on while Derek stripped out of his boxers and slid his fingers down, stretching himself and adding a little lube that they’d used the last time he’d come over. Chris slid right in, and Derek just huffed and wrapped his legs around Chris’s waist. “Fuck me…” Chris smirked a little, kissed the underside of Derek’s jaw and did just that, sliding in and out. Derek groaned in his ear, bit at his neck, and thrust up to meet Chris’s hips. Chris’s mouth was everywhere, Derek’s ears, neck, chest, licking, sucking and groaning. “Touch me… I need you-” Derek started but Chris just nodded, kissing him, and sliding a hand between them, rubbing the head of Derek’s cock with the broadside of his thumb.

“Like that?” Chris asked and Derek’s legs trembled a little. “You like me touching your cock like that?” Derek opened his eyes in surprise, despite himself. He’d been with a lot of people but none of them, not one of them talked dirty to him like _this_. Chris moved his thumb again, and Derek gasped a little, shuddering as Chris slid his fingers a little lower, sliding two into Derek’s hole, next to Chris’s dick.

“Fuck, I think I love you a little,” Derek muttered as Chris thrust in slowly. “Christ…” Chris smirked a little as Derek tightened around him, gasping into his ear. “Put your hand back on my dick…” Derek growled lowly and Chris did as he was told all while fucking into Derek slowly. Derek screwed his eyes shut, his breath caught in his throat. “Jesus,” he wheezed and bucked up despite himself, shouting a little in Chris’s ear as he came. Chris worked him through it, easing off slowly, until he pulled out, still hard having not cum yet. Sweat stung Derek’s eyes as he wiped his face and tried to sit up. After getting completely undressed, Chris shoved him back down a little sliding up his body and resting lightly on his abdomen. Derek smiled up at him and wrapped his thin fingers around Chris’s thick cock and began jacking him off. Chris just sighed a little, body relaxing as Derek put his other hand on Chris’s thigh squeezing. “You are so hot…” Derek mumbled and Chris smiled.

“You are too sweet,” Chris mumbled and Derek blushed, but Chris just shook his head a little and leaned down to kiss Derek on the lips, trapping Derek’s hand between them. Chris sat back up, his hand over Derek’s just holding still for a moment.

“What do you need?” Derek asked, but Chris just sighed a little. Derek squeezed Chris’s thigh, and Chris took another deep breath and let it out slowly.

“You can totally say no, but… Are you into face sitting?” Chris asked and Derek blinked up at him.

“Shit, don’t hold anything back now,” Derek teased and Chris blushed a little, rubbing his face, but otherwise not moving. Derek sighed a little and rubbed Chris’s leg. “I’m always a slut for ass…” He whispered and Chris’s face lit up. Chris got into position fairly quickly, cock hard and leaking, breath caught in his throat, and Derek found he hadn’t been turned on by someone else in a long time.

“Ready?” Chris asked, and Derek stroked Chris’s sides.

“Yeah, whenever you are…” Chris lowered himself slowly, adjusting a little as Derek spread him open, tasting him experimentally.

“You good?” Chris asked and Derek just pulled Chris down harder, licking and sucking. Chris trembled over him, moaning low in his throat. “Oh, _fuck_...” He gasped grabbing Derek’s hair roughly. “Jeez-us…” He clutched at the headboard as Derek licked into Chris’s tight hole, reveling in the taste of Chris. Derek slid his hands up Chris’s sides, and dragged them slowly. Chris bucked a little despite himself. “Oh fuck, I’m so not-” Derek tentatively stroked at the underside of Chris’s balls. “Oh! This- Jesus!” He muttered and Derek hummed a little. Chris jerked again, tugging at Derek’s hair, hard, and Derek grunted, pushing Chris up softly. “Sorry, sorry…” Chris muttered releasing Derek’s hair. He sat up and leaned forward a little, clutching the headboard, leaving a small gap between his ass and Derek’s lips.

“Pulling hair is fine, just try to not jerk it,” Derek murmured and pulled Chris back down as he continued to eat out Chris who moaned above him, face pushed hard into the headboard.

“Jesus, Jesu- Ugh…” He groaned as he started jerking himself off. “Fuck, oh there, THERE!” He yelled and stiffened, his toes curling, and cumming all over his pillows and Derek’s head. “Jesus…” He grunted as he rolled off. Derek laid on his back as he took a few deep breaths, eyes closed. He grabbed a clean pillow and buried his face in it.

“Really… You’re-” Chris sighed a little. “Whatever…” He shoved his face on Derek’s back, kissing it a little. “You are such an ass,” Chris joke and Derek tugged him closer.

“Shh… I’m sleeping…” Derek whispered. Chris laughed a little.

“Sleep is good,” he agreed.


	3. Chapter 3

_Ring, ring, ring._ Derek groaned.

“Wha- What?” Chris whined a little. It was several weeks later, and the night before they had gone out, and had too much to drink, as usual. As Derek rolled onto his side, a bottle of beer clattered to the floor. Chris hissed and Derek laughed. “Why- phone… why phone?”

“My uncle…” Derek said grabbing his phone off the nightstand. “I’ll be back.” Derek got up, naked, and wandered into the front room.

“Hey, Peter, what’s up?” Derek asked rubbing his face, yawning.

“Have you seen the news?” Peter asked. Derek blinked a little.

“Who died?” He asked quietly. Silence.

“Turn on the news, Derek…” Peter said softly. Derek grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. He flipped to the news and they waited in silence. A few minutes later it happened.

“... and now to Jocelyn.”

“Thanks, Ted. This morning’s major story is full of mystery and romance,” And there they were. He and Chris.

“I- I don’t understa-” Derek started.

“Next Thursday marks the twenty year anniversary of the assassination of then alpha, Emily Hale, but it seems that love is in the air… Pictured here is young Derek Hale and Chris Argent. Neither they, nor their families were available for comment, but I think it is fairly obvious that love has been found…” Derek swallowed hard, ears ringing as the woman continued to talk.

“But- But-” He stared as he watched himself pushing Chris up against the wall of the bar they were standing outside of.

“You have to stop this. You _cannot_ be with him…” Derek closed his mouth.

“You can’t do that! I’m not a child. Besides, I’m not _with_ him!” Derek growled.

“You ok, babe?” Chris called down the hall on his way to the bathroom.

“ _Babe_? Bo calling you _babe_ now?” Derek’s lip twitched.

“Chris and I are _just_ friends. There is no-”

“I don’t care _what_ you are… You cannot keep doing this… The family is unstable.”

“The Argents haven’t attacked anyone-”

“Yes, because we have a strict no contact policy!” Peter growled.

“Peter, he didn’t tell me so how was I supposed to know?” Derek growled back.

“I can’t believe you… I- You need to stop this. Whatever this is. Before it gets out of hand!”

“I don’t even know if Chris’s family still even talks to him… He’s _never_ mentioned them… Not even once.”

“And why would he if he knew who you were?” The toilet flushed and Chris came out, blinking.

“Everything ok?” Chris mouthed and Derek rewound the news. Chris groaned a little.

“Peter, I can’t talk any more. I have to go.”

“You have to stop whatever it is you’re doing before-” Derek ended the call, cutting Peter off, and looked up at Chris.

“What-”

“That was my uncle, my alpha. He told me I have to break _this_ off…” Derek waved his fingers between them and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

“Oh. But we’re friends…” Derek shrugged a little.

“Are we?” He asked. Chris sighed. “I have to go.” He got up and went to go get his clothes.

“Derek, can’t we-” But Derek cut him off with a look.

“My uncle, who is my _alpha_ , told me I have to leave.” Chris bit his lip.

“I’m not like them. I don’t _talk_ to them.”

“Obviously. But it’s not even about that… I mean it its. But also, Peter is my alpha. I _have_ to obey him.” He went into the bedroom and pulled on his clothes, sighing.

“Are you mad?” Chris asked as Derek came out of the bedroom carrying his shoes.

“Mad isn’t the right word…” Derek said sitting on the couch.

“Derek…” Derek pulled his shoes on and stood up.

“I can’t. I’m sorry.” He kissed Chris’s cheek. “I- I need time…” Chris nodded a little rubbing his face.

“I’ll see you… I guess… Or not…” Chris muttered and went to his bedroom slamming the door. Derek went outside and closed the door softly, pushing it firmly closed. He stroked the door a little before turning and running back to dorms. He didn’t care that they were four miles away, he didn’t want to wait. By the time he got to his room, he was sweating profusely and all he wanted was a cigarette. He slammed the door closed and grabbed some of Bo’s pants.

“Get up. I need a cigarette.” Bo groaned a little.

“Good morning to you, too, sunshine…” Bo mumbled.

“Get up!” Bo looked at Derek.

“What happened?” Derek shook his head.

“I need a cigarette. Get dressed.” Bo got up and tugged the jeans on and they went downstairs. They sat up against a wall and Bo had to light Derek’s cigarette because he was shaking so hard.

“What happened?”

“Did you know that Chris is an Argent? Like _the_ Argents… Like the Argents that came together and killed my grandma. Did you?” Bo bit his lip.

“I did… But I also know that he hasn’t talked to his family in about six years.” Derek took a long drag on his cigarette.

“Apparently the news didn’t know this…”

“The news- Oh…”

“Yeah… Peter called this morning and said he doesn’t care what is going on with us, we have to stop, and like… fuck… I don’t- I don’t want to. He’s my friend. He’s- I mean it’s like not romantic or anything, but he’s- I really like him…” Bo pulled out another cigarette and lit it, taking a long drag.

“That’s really shitty…” Bo finally said and Derek nodded.

“I just can’t- I can’t- Why didn’t either of you-” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “When he knew that I was a wolf, I wasn’t surprised, but like… You didn’t even think to tell me…” He took another deep breath. “This is important shit. Why didn’t you tell me?” Bo bit his lip.

“Because he _isn’t_ an Argent any more…”

“Tell that to the news; to my uncle,” Derek grumbled, his breath caught in his throat. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “What am I supposed to do now?” He asked choking back a sob. Bo put his arm around Derek’s shoulders, pulling him close.

“Oh, Der… It’ll be ok…” Bo murmured and Derek clutched at his sleeve.

“I don’t want to have to- I-” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Chris is my friend, and it’s not fair that I can’t-” He stopped trying to keep his emotions in and just focused on the sound of Bo’s heart and how the smoke felt in his lungs.

***

Two days later Derek called Peter.

“Hey, Der. Everything alright?” Peter asked picking up on the second ring.

“I miss my friend.” Peter sighed.

“I’m sorry… I can’t help you there,” Peter said evenly. Derek bit his lip.

“Peter, you don’t understand. He hasn’t talked to his family in _six years_!”

“Derek, _you_ don’t understand. I’ve spent the past three days trying to put fires out because of this-”

“Fires? What fires? No one cares that we were- That-”

“I keep it from you to protect you!”

“You’re not supposed to be protecting me, you’re supposed to be training me!” Derek growled back and Peter sighed.

“Derek, I’m sorry. I know this sounds harsh, but you’ll understand someday.” Derek chewed on his nail.

“What if we don’t kiss in public any more?”

“Derek, it’s too late. You can’t be friends with him. We can’t risk it.”

“You’re just saying that because he’s an Argent!”

“Now you’re getting it!” Derek hissed a little.

“I can’t believe you…” They were silent for a moment.

“Is there anything else I can help you with?” Peter asked. Derek took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“No.”

“Good. I love you. Be good!”

“Love you, too,” Derek muttered and they hung up. Bo came in a few minutes later.

“You ok?”

“That man is such a shit. I’m going for a run. Tell Chris… Tell him everything is still fucked. And I’m sorry.” He left before Bo could respond. After his run he stopped back in the dorms long enough to grab his books and just went to class stinking and sweaty, not caring if he offended anyone or got weird looks. Derek made sure to not make eye contact with his professor because it was the third time he wasn’t turning in an assignment since Jennifer, but his focus was gone, as cliche as that seemed. He was just over everything. He hated himself for being _that guy_ but there he sat only half following the conversation because he also hadn’t done the reading until someone raised their hand and Dr. Deaton called on them.

“But like, shouldn’t werewolves be registered? Emily Hale killed a bunch of people, right? That’s why she was killed, and why her daughter’s still in a coma, right?” Some people eyed Derek nervously but said nothing. Derek bit his lip and stared at the blank page that was supposed to be his notes, his whole body tense, heart pounding.

“Werewolf registry is not something we’re talking about today, we’re-”

“Oh, that’s right…” The student said glancing back at Derek as someone whispered something in his ear. “ We’ve got to be sensitive… There are werewolves here today…” Derek growled low in his throat despite himself.

“Mr. Greenberg, I think we should get back to the subject-”

“I’m not scared…” Greenberg joked but Derek heard his heart skip a beat revealing the lie. Derek smirked a little.

“You know werewolves have a keen sense of smell? And can follow a single scent for miles?” Derek asked.

“Is that a _threat_?” Greenberg asked and Derek just chuckled again.

“I will kick you both out if you don’t _knock it off_!” Dr. Deaton hissed but something inside Derek snapped a little.

“The jury proved that my grandmother and mother didn't kill anyone. It was a very _public_ trial. On her assassination. Her _murder_...” No one moved or said anything until Deaton cleared his throat a little.

“Derek, I need to see you after class… Greenberg, let me get back on the subject...” Derek nodded a little and looked down, surprised to find he’d dug his nails deep into the desk. The other students turned their attention back on the lecture.

When class ended, his professor held him back as the others filed out, Greenburg making a face at Derek on his way out. Derek adjusted the strap over his shoulder and took a deep breath, eyes downcast as he waited for the Dr. Deaton to lead him away.

“Walk with me to my office,” Dr. Deaton said and Derek just nodded a little, biting his lip. They walked down the hall in silence except for the sound of their feet on the floor, and the sounds of Dr. Deaton shuffling his papers and books, trying to balance them all. They got to his office and he unlocked it and walked past a comfortable looking recliner and set his stuff on a spare wooden chair. “Have a seat please…” Dr. Deaton said when Derek stood staring at his feet. Sighing, Derek sat down, bag in his lap, biting his lip a little. “How are things?” He asked and Derek rolled his eyes despite himself, sighing deeply. Dr. Deaton sat down as well.

“Shitty…” He finally managed when it became obvious that Dr. Deaton wasn’t going to take that for an answer.

“I saw the news… Is everything alright there?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but no. Everything is not _alright there_...” Derek growled. “It’s complicated.” Dr. Deaton nodded a little.

“Try me.”

“We were friends with benefits- Do you know-”

“Yes… Continue.”

“Well, we were friends with benefits after I broke up with my on again, off again girlfriend for the final time, and I guess the news saw us and… I mean I didn’t even know he was an Argent. It, like, never came up… And now my uncle says I can’t be friends with him and just…” He stopped again, and Dr. Deaton nodded a little as he leaned back.

“I’m sorry that’s happening. You and Chris got close?” Derek shrugged a little.

“Yeah, but I guess we weren’t _that_ close if he could keep something like that from me,” he muttered and Dr. Deaton nodded a little.

“Did he say why he kept it from you?”

“He hasn’t talked to his family in like six years, or something,” Dr. Deaton nodded again.

“And none of this-”

“It’s not that _I_ don’t want to be friends… I mean like, yeah I’m pissed that he did this, that he didn’t tell me, but really it’s my uncle. _Peter_ said I _couldn’t_ be friends with him and I can’t go against my Alpha without some pretty severe repercussions and honestly, being trans _and_ a werewolf without a pack just seems inadvisable at this point, if that makes sense?” Dr. Deaton nodded a little again.

“And Peter won’t listen?” Dr. Deaton asked. Derek shook his head a little. They both took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m sorry about class… It’s been over twenty years, and the fact that people don’t understand that your grandmother was killed because of prejudice and not anything else must really be wearing on you and your family…” Derek shrugged a little, and Dr. Deaton took another deep breath. “I also wanted to talk to you about your missing assignments…”

***

Later that morning, Derek skated to Melissa and Claudia’s while smoking a cigarette. He knew he should have just gone to the library, but he just wanted to play with his favorite four year olds and hang out with his best friend, but as he skated up he found Claudia sitting where Bo should have been.

“Hey, Derek!” She called and the boys ran to his side as he jumped off his board. He hugged them with one hand holding the cigarette stub high so they didn’t touch it.

“Derry, what are you doing here?” Stiles asked, and Derek ruffled his hair.

“Came to hang out with you and your dad…” He said looking toward Claudia.

“He’s at the library… Something about a five page midterm?” Claudia shrugged. “We’re getting-”

“Shit!” Derek yelled loudly and the boys gasped and pointed at him. “Shi- I mean don’t say that!” Derek said covering his mouth with his hand as Scott and Stiles laughed at him. “You didn’t hear that!”

“You have the same paper?” Claudia asked. Derek nodded a little tossing his stub in the trash.

“Yeah, I gotta- Love you kiddos!” He hugged them and then rushed back the way he came. He stopped at the dorms, grabbed his bag, and rushed to the library. He found Bo in their usual spot with Chris. Derek jerked back a little and Bo looked up when he saw him. Derek turned to leave without a word but Bo chased after him.

“Where-”

“I can’t-” He indicated to Chris who was typing furiously away at his keyboard. Bo took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“Studying together doesn’t make you friends…” Derek shook his head, and turned away again.

“I _can’t_. I’m not trying to be an asshole, but I _literally_ can’t because my Alpha said I couldn’t. Which is why I’m not even texting Chris. I just _literally cannot_...” Derek explained and Bo sighed a little.

“I didn’t realize…”

“How could you know? It’s not something that is well broadcast about werewolves, and there are so many lies and rumors out there about werewolves.” Derek shrugged a little.

“Yeah, but we’ve been friends for a few years now, and-”

“And you didn’t even think to tell me he was an Argent so maybe I could have used a little more discretion or something. You are human, and that’s fine, Bo, really. It will be ok. _I_ will be ok…” He took a deep breath.

“I’ll just go study somewhere else for now, we can meet up later for dinner or whatever.” Bo sighed.

“Ok, if you’re sure,” Bo said and hugged Derek before turning back to Chris. Derek wandered around for a bit until he found Parrish and sat down with him. He and Parrish weren’t close, but it turned out they studied well together, managing to need similar break times and being able to focus on what they needed to get done in silence.

Around three, Bo texted Derek and then came down to find him.

“Chris left,” he said, “and I’m starved. We’ve been studying for hours. You ready for dinner?”

“Yeah, just let me finish this paragraph,” Derek said not looking up, and Parrish sighed, dropping his pencil, surrounded by complex math equations.

“I’m exhausted. Where are we going?” He asked.

“Wanna just get Taco Bell and play some Mario Kart?” Bo asked as Derek slammed his computer closed.

“That sounds great!” He looked at Parrish who nodded.

“Yeah, I’m down for a couple of Crunchwrap Supremes…” They packed up and wandered down to Bo’s car where they all piled in and drove to the nearest Taco Bell where they got a bunch of food and large Mountain Dews before heading back to the dorms where they ate and played Mario Kart until Melissa called and asked if the boys could come over for a few hours because she had to finish a paper by midnight and it was Friday so it didn’t matter how late they stayed up.

“Sorry to break up the party, but…” Bo said as they threw away their trash and put the system away. Stiles had a tendency to push buttons and shove small toys in any crack or crevice he could, and none of them wanted to see that game system destroyed.

“It’s fine,” Parrish said getting up and stretching. “I’ve gotta get going any way, I need to do a few more equations before bed.”

“See you,” Bo said hugging him. “You know where we’ll be if you need us.” Parrish laughed a little.

“If I need your help in math, I think I’m screwed,” he said as he hugged Derek goodbye. “Try to have some fun tonight.” He slapped Derek’s cheek affectionately before grabbing up his things and leaving. A few minutes later Claudia showed up with the boys, each of them carrying their backpacks, blankets, and a teddy bears.

“Thanks for taking the boys,” she said helping Stiles out of his backpack as Derek helped Scott. “I tried to convince Melissa to go to the library, but she has a system going, and-”

“And it’s fine,” Bo said. “The kids are going to have a great time, and we’re not doing anything. Derek, I’m sure, appreciates having a distraction, don’t you Der?” Derek nodded a little as he scooped Scott up into a hug.

“Well, ok. By midnight, please? If you have any pity at all?” Claudia said. Bo smiled, laughing.

“Don’t worry,” he murmured and kissed Claudia’s cheek. “It will be fine…” Claudia chuckled, nodding.

“Bye boys!” They hugged her and promised to be good. As soon as she left, the boys demanded pizza and ice cream.

“How about we get Chinese and you get fortune cookies?” Bo offered. They’d already had a lot of pizza that week.

“I want sweet and sour chicken!” Stiles yelled.

“I want barbeque pork!” Scott yelled.

“And egg rolls!”

“And wantons!”

“And extra sweet and sour sau-”

“And-”

“And I think that’s plenty!” Bo interupted. They all laughed and Bo looked at Derek. “You want some lo mein or anything else?”

“Yeah… And fried rice. Make sure we get at least two extra sweet and sours, lots of soy sauce packets, some fried wontons, and egg rolls.” Bo stared at him for a minute. “What?”

“Just… You’d think you hadn’t eaten in days…” He paused and looked back Derek. “I think you have been a truly terrible influence on my boys,” he said winking. Derek laughed. Stiles knocked over a lamp and Bo turned to him.

“It was Derek’s fault!” He said and Bo raised his eyebrow. “He’s a bad influence.” Bo and Derek laughed as Derek righted the lamp. It was fine.

“You are such a goober,” Derek said and Stiles laughed as Bo got out his computer to order.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update. I kept forgetting this chapter was done. I cleaned up the tags a little too, so there's nothing really new with the relationships, I just made it look prettier. Thanks for reading! :D

“Shh,” Derek whispered as he dragged his date into his room, his fingers wrapped tightly over the other man’s wrist. “My roommate is probably asleep, and he has an early class.” The young man nodded, giggling a little. Both of them were more than a little drunk and ended up knocking over the same lamp that Stiles had just weeks before. This time it wasn’t so lucky though, and fell with a sickening crash, glass shattering everywhere.

Bo jumped out of bed and grabbed his bat.

“Who the fuck are you?” He yelled as Derek’s date turned on the overhead light.

“Whoa! Bo! It’s Derek!” Bo blinked in the light and lowered the bat.

“Again, Derek?” Bo asked as Derek’s date picked up the lamp.

“I think I’m gonna just take off,” he said after righting the lamp and Derek didn’t even try to stop him.

“That’s the third time this week you’ve brought someone home and woken me up,” Bo growled and returned to his bed. He paused for a minute and then started grabbing up all his blankets.

“Where are you going?” Derek asked as he sat on his bed, suddenly feeling tired.

“Claudia and Melissa’s… I’ll be back in the morning,” he said and Derek’s heart skipped a beat. He stood up and took a step towards Bo.

“Please don’t go. I’m sorry- I-” He swallowed hard not sure if he wanted Bo to smell the weed on him or not, not sure if it would help or hinder him. “He’s gone, I’ll be quiet.” Bo paused for a moment, shoulders tense.

“You can’t keep doing this,” Bo said. “I know things suck right now, I know you’re hurting, but you can’t keep doing this.” Derek nodded a little, scratching his arm. He felt like a little kid getting reprimanded and he hated it.

“I know… I know,” he said and Bo flopped back on his bed. Derek tugged out of his clothes, turned off the light, and crawled in bed next to Bo. At first Bo stiffened but eventually he rolled around so he was holding Derek tight in his arms. Derek took a deep breath, rubbing Bo’s arms.

“It’s gonna be ok, buddy. You’ll get through this,” Bo whispered and kissed Derek’s forehead. Derek said nothing, just clung a little tighter.

***

A few days later Derek woke up late for class. He thought briefly about digging for clean clothes but it was the third time that week for the same class so he just grabbed a jacket and his bag, shoved his feet in some boots, and rushed out the door not even bothering to look at his hair or brush his teeth. On his way, he dug out a pack of slightly crushed Oreos and ate them as he half ran across campus. He had no idea where they came from or when, but he didn’t care. He’d missed dinner the night before because he’d gotten stuck in the library after a long shift at work.

The elevator was a nightmare so he ran up seven flights of stairs and crashed into one of his classmates, knocking all her notes and books to the ground. At least she was as late as him, he thought to himself as he mumbled an apology to her.

“It’s ok,” she said brushing some long brown hair out of her face. “Class is over already, by the way.” Derek looked up at her.

“What?” He asked and looked at the time. 11:03. He closed his eyes. He was so fucked. He’d completely missed class and they had a test the next period. “Shit,” he muttered and stood up. He scratched his head. “You’re Meg, right?” She nodded. “Can I- Can I borrow some notes? Your notes? I’m so fucked…” He shook his head.

“Yeah, no problem, but I have terrible handwriting, so I should probably come along,” she said and Derek nodded as he rubbed sleep out of his eyes, yawning.

They went back to his room and before the door was even closed she had him shoved against a wall, kissing him hard.

When Bo got home a few hours later, all that was left of her was the smell of sex in the air, and Derek laying naked on top of his comforter, passed out again.

***

_Dear Derek,_

_I hope you’re doing ok. I’m writing because I’ve gotten several e-mails of concern from you from some of your other professors. I think we should talk again. What times work for you?_

_Let me know as soon as possible…_

_Best,_  
_Dr. Deaton_

Derek groaned at his phone, shoving it back under his pillow.

“You ok there?” Bo asked and Derek jumped. “Sorry…”

“You’re fine,” Derek said sitting up and tugging at his dirty sweats. “Just Deaton…” He scratched his head and grabbed his phone again. He thought for a moment and sent off a message saying he’d be there in half an hour during Deaton’s office hours. He grabbed his towel and took a quick shower.

He came out and tugged on clothes before grabbing his bag.

“Can you take out the trash, please?” Bo asked. Derek groaned again and Bo huffed despite himself. He .

“If it’s that much of a fucking bother, I can do it later,” he snapped and Derek blinked at him.

“I didn’t-”

“Just go. I’m leaving in a few minutes anyway,” he said. “Gotta watch the kiddos…” Derek snatched the trash bag angrily.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered and Bo didn’t look up. “Do you want company tonight?” Bo bit his lip, his fingers paused over the computer keys.

“Don’t you have a _date_?” He grumbled and Derek licked his lips.

“No, not yet,” he said and Bo just shook his head.

“I’ll be fine, Derek. It’s Friday. One of us should enjoy tonight…” Derek nodded once, turned, and slammed the door as he left. He actually _did_ have a date, but suddenly he didn’t want to go. Everything was so fucking overwhelming and he just didn’t fucking care. All he wanted to do was curl up in bed and pretend like he didn’t exist.

He debated on texting his date to cancel as he tossed the trash in the dumpster, and pulled out his phone shooting off a quick text message before he could change his mind as he walked to Dr. Deaton’s office. He got there just as Deaton did, so they walked into the office together.

“I’m glad to see you up and about,” Deaton said. “It’s been a few weeks.” Derek flopped in his seat biting his lip, wondering what state of dishevelment his professor had seen him in that week.

“I’m sorry, things have just been…” Deaton sat and waited. Silence filled the room and Derek shrugged. “Everything has just kind of been fucked. I’m just so depressed.”

“Have you thought about counseling?” Deaton asked and Derek shrugged.

“No…” Derek said and kicked at his bag idly.

“Not even for…?” Deaton started and stopped. “That’s none of my business… If you’re depressed, maybe it will help?” Derek shrugged again and bit his lip. He had had a counselor before he’d gotten his top surgery but he hadn’t seen her in months. “Well, is there anything I can do? To help?” Derek shook his head, no.

“How fucked am I in your class?” He asked wondering how much Peter would kill him if he just dropped out.

“You’re not failing, but you do have a C,” Deaton said. “Your other classes…” He looked at his computer. “Well, you should definitely talk to your English and math teacher, and did you know you got a withdraw/fail in Story Telling?” Derek nodded a little.

“I meant to talk to you about that…” He said, and Deaton sighed a little.

“Derek, I-” He paused. “I don’t want to come across as insensitive, but-” Derek bit his lip.

“Like I said, everything is fucked…”

“It’s not though, not yet. Story Telling is required, but they’ll have it again next semester. It doesn’t put you that far behind.” Derek nodded a little.

“Is there any way I can bring my grade up in your class?” Derek asked although he didn’t really care. He just wanted to say whatever so he could get out of there faster.

“Yes. Don’t miss any more classes and turn in all your work.”

“I meant extra credit wise,” Derek muttered and Deaton glanced at the grades on the computer.

“Have you even started the paper that was due yesterday?” He asked and Derek kicked at the ground because of course he’d forgotten about it and didn’t even know what he was supposed to be writing about. He was _so_ fucked.

***  
A few days later, Bo and Parrish literally shoved Derek fully clothed into the shower to rid him of the smell of weed and old sweat so they could him out to eat at Denny’s with them.

“I don’t even like Denny’s,” Derek griped as they shoved him to the front door of the restaurant.

“Yeah, yeah,” Bo muttered. They were seated quickly and Derek refused to look at the menu so Bo and Parrish ordered him all sorts of food. When the food came, he ended up eating three large pancakes, four slices of bacon, a stolen piece of sausage, and some fruit. He washed all of it down with about four cups of coffee and couldn’t believe how much better he felt after eating.

The waitress was just bringing the check when Parrish slid his phone across the table at Derek.

“Uh, this just happened,” he said and Derek looked down at the phone.

 _Argent Son Denounces Family and Changes His Name to Bourne_ , a headline read and Derek gaped a little. He pushed the play button and Chris began to speak.

“For years, my family has hurt and murdered a lot of people. They’ve tortured them. Terrorized terrorized them. And for what? What reason? What purpose?” He paused and looked down at the podium in front of him. “I would like to say that I never participated, but I did. _I did_ even if I never actually- Because I have always been complicit in their actions. I have never spoken up or out about how what they are doing is wrong, what they _have done_ is wrong. In my complicitness, I’ve hurt people, and I’ve perpetuated the violence, and for that I’m sorry. Today, I would like to take the first step in fixing this… Today I’m breaking the silence and changing my name.” The mic cut out a reporter began talking. Derek looked up at Bo, eyes wide.

“Do you- Did you-” Bo shook his head. There was a large lump in Derek’s throat and he was finding it hard to breathe.

“He didn’t say anything about this…” Bo said. Derek rubbed his face and flopped his head hard on the table as Parrish grabbed his phone out of the way. Some people around them turned to stare, but Derek ignored them. Derek’s phone buzzed in his pocket. It was Peter and Derek slid his thumb over the screen ignoring the call. It was all too much. He just wanted it to stop, wished he’d had some sort of warning that this was coming. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. _Even if I’d been warned, the outcome is going to be the same_ he thought to himself. _This is going to be a giant shit storm with no way out._ His phone buzzed again and Derek turned it off.

“Come on, let’s get you out of here…” Bo said and Derek just nodded a little. Parrish paid the check as Derek ran to the car. They got back to the dorms just as the reporters descended. Bo and Parrish hooked their arms under Derek’s and ushered him quickly into the front doors laughing a little as the doors locked behind them. Derek just followed the others upstairs where they played video games and listened to music too loud even though all Derek wanted to do was go back to sleep.

***

The media on Derek and Chris exploded again. Peter wouldn’t stop calling, so Derek kept it off and shoved it under his bed, but that didn’t stop people from talking about it everywhere he went. People stared at him more than normal. Any time a reporter cornered him on campus, he would tell them the truth, that his grades had slipped after he and his girlfriend had split, so he was focusing on school work, and no, he hadn’t heard from Chris. _Not like he’d tell them if he had any way…_ Not that he even _wanted_ to... Because what kind of shit friend was Chris? What kind of douche does that? All the lies and half truths were too much and Derek just wished the reporters would go away so he could get more weed without being paranoid he was being watched.

At first Bo had tried to get him to talk, but eventually he gave up and just let Derek be, knowing a losing battle when he saw one. Derek kept as busy as he could, which meant he worked and did more homework than he had all semester because he couldn’t bear the thought of Peter finding out about how many people he’d been out with. Parrish hung out with him a lot as the semester drew to a close, and Derek just managed to pass every class with a C except Sociology which he got a B. Derek didn’t even care though, and demanded they go out and celebrate.

When _Star Wars: The Force Awakens_ came out, Derek and Parrish went and saw it three times opening week because they loved it so much and both of the were stuck in town because of work. Bo, Claudia, Melissa, Stiles, and Scott had all gone back to Beacon Hills. Derek didn’t really care because it meant there weren’t as many people around and no one cared that he was spending all his time smoking weed and playing shit video games with Parrish when they weren’t watching _Star Wars_ for the second and third times were really they just made out.

The first time Parrish leaned over and nibbled Derek’s ear, Derek knew he should stop it, could _hear_ Bo’s disapproving voice in his ear, but then the next thing he knew he had his hand down Parrish’s pants and his fingers in Parrish’s mouth nearly gagging him, trying to keep him quiet. When they left half an hour later, Parrish couldn’t stop grinning and tugging on his shirt to cover up the wet spots and Derek’s skin was crawling.

As Parrish drove them home he accepted both the cigarette and joint that Derek passed him on the way, and when they got back to the dorms he followed Derek up to his room where they fucked all night. In the morning they smoked a bowl and wandered down to Denny’s and ate breakfast before spending the day in Derek’s dorm room playing video games and giving each other blow jobs.

That night Derek’s head spun as he lay next to Parrish who had finally just passed out at 12:30, too wasted to move. Derek bit his lip as he stared at Parrish’s shoulder, silently comparing it to Chris’s. Despite everything, he missed him, missed their easiness. Sniffling a little, Derek got up, peed, and proceeded to play shit video games for another three hours before he literally fell asleep with the controller in his hand.

***

A week and a half later, Parrish lay on his back, legs in the air as Derek ate him out, his tongue thrusting in and licking. Parrish moaned above him not even bothering to keep his voice down. He groaned as Derek pushed his legs back even farther, his heavy cock bouncing in the air. He was close to coming when suddenly the door opened.

“Come on boys- Holy shit!” Bo yelled and slammed the door shut. Derek jerked back wiping his lips and adjusting his pants as Parrish flopped over and grabbed his clothes. Derek went to the door and slipped out but Bo was halfway down the hall ushering the boys back the way they’d come.

“Hey, Bo! Wasn’t expecting you for a few more hours…” Derek joked half heartedly but Bo just turned to glare at Derek.

“I have to get the boys back to their mothers; we’ll talk later,” he said coldly and Derek bit his lip. Stiles and Scott stared up silently at him, eyes wide. They’d never heard their dad use that voice, and never towards Derek. Scott looked like he might cry and Stiles just took his brother’s hand and smiled sympathetically at Derek. He nodded and let Bo go before turning back to his bedroom, stomach flopping at the thought of a four year old having sympathy for him to find Parrish tugging on his shoes.

“Where’s Bo?” Parrish asked and Derek bit his lip until he tasted blood as Parrish got droessed.

“Taking the boys back… I think- I think you should- He was pretty mad…” Parrish nodded, got up, and wrapped his arms around Derek’s neck kissing his mouth.

“I’ll see you later?” He asked and Derek nodded, absent mindedly rubbing the side of Parrish’s neck as he left.

“Yeah, later,” he agreed. Derek tried to clean up a little, but it seemed like Parrish had just barely closed the door when Bo slammed it open. Derek paused, Taco Bell wrapper hanging loosely in his hand.

“What the _hell_ were you thinking? This place _reeks_ of weed! What if Head of Housing came down here? Huh?! How well do you think that would have gone over?” Derek shoved the wrapper in the trash bag he was holding, biting his lip. “I’m a fucking RA, or _did. You. For. Get. That_?” Derek grabbed some more trash as Bo went to the window and slammed it open despite the freezing wind. “And _Parrish_?! What the fuck are you doing? Of all the-” He huffed a little, obviously lost for words, and Derek took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “That’s your response? _A sigh_?! You think I’m being too hard on you? That I should cut you some slack because you’re my friend? Because I’m- Because you’re going through a hard time? I should fucking report you, that’s what I should fucking do!” Heart skipping a beat, Derek looked up, panicked, eyes wide.

“You wouldn’t!” He gasped out, and Bo took a deep breath, shaking his head no. Derek tugged his leg close to his chest, squeezing tight. He was finding it hard to stay in his body.

“You’re right. I won’t. But I don’t fucking know _what_ to do with you… You could get me in so much trouble if you got caught…” Derek picked up a few more pieces of trash.

“I’m really sorry,” he said quietly, and Bo sat on his bed.

“And _Parrish?_?” Bo asked. “He doesn’t _do_ casual. What are you doing with him?” Derek paused for a minute and looked at Bo’s feet. Finally he shrugged, and Bo grabbed his own face in his hands and groaned loudly. “Parrish. Doesn’t. Do. Casual.” Derek huffed a little as he thought to himself, _he’s been doing me casually..._ Bo glared at him. “I’m going for a walk. Before- before… Get this place fucking cleaned up…” He left slamming the door closed behind him. Derek just shook his head and kept cleaning.

A few hours later, Bo came back with Derek’s favorite pizza: pepperoni, jalapeno, and pineapple. Derek didn’t even glance at it as Bo set it beside him, just continued to stare at his computer screen. He was trying to send and email to his uncle without revealing how much of his life had turned to shit and it was proving rather difficult.

“I’m sorry. About earlier. I was- I was surprised. And-” He paused as Derek continued to type away at his computer. “I’ll- I’ll just-” He crossed the room back to his bed. Derek typed away for a few more minutes before turning to Bo.

“Why do you care so much if I’m with Parrish?”

“Wha- I- You and Parrish are my best friends,” Bo managed not looking over from his phone.

“Yeah, but then why aren’t you happy we are together? That we found-”

“Derek, you’ve been sleeping with everything that moves for the past-”

“Oh, I’m too much of a slut, is that it?”

“ _Derek_ , I _didn’t_ say that…”

“You didn’t have to…” He turned back to his computer, glanced at the pizza, back at his screen, and then got up.

“I’m going out. I’ll see you later…” He grabbed his jacket, keys, pack of cigarettes, and left unsure of where he was going until he ended up at Parrish’s.


	5. Chapter 5

A few days later Derek woke up late. Again. He got up and rushed through his shower and shoved a granola bar in his mouth as he skateboarded down the road to work. Just as he rounded the last corner he nearly crashed into a woman and ended up falling off the sidewalk, scraping his knees. The woman shrieked loudly, jumping out into the road to help him up. Once they got out of the road, she brushed her hair out of her face, apologizing profusely.

“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I just- I didn’t-”

“I’m fine, it’s fine… Really,” he said and waved her off as he rushed to the store. “Sorry, but I’m already late…” She nodded a little and Derek turned away completely. As soon as he crossed the threshold, Boyd grabbed him and steered him from the time clock and into his office.

“Do you know what time it is?” Boyd asked. Derek shrugged a little.

“11:05?”

“Try 11:37. This is the third time you’ve come in late without calling. I’m really, really sorry, but you know what this means.”

“Fuck,” Derek muttered and watched numbly as Boyd pulled out a piece of paper.

“I have to do this. I don’t want to do this, but it’s company policy. I can’t give you special treatment.” Boyd explained and Derek nodde.

“No, I get it… It fucking sucks, but I get it.” Derek filled out the termination paperwork silently and left the office with a churning stomach. He hopped back on his board and just rode around while trying to breathe and not give into the panic. Eventually he stopped at a gas station, bought about twenty of those little shots of whiskey, shoved them in his pockets, and went to a park near campus. He flopped under a tree so he could people watch while he drank. Everything was just starting to soften and then it happened.

A pigeon pooped on him.

“Mother fucker!” He yelled and got to his feet. He pulled out one of his empty bottles from his pocket and threw it in the tree but the bird was long gone. The people around him stared in horror, but Derek didn’t care. Anger thrummed through him and he was having trouble not shifting. “Come back here you mother fucker and fucking-” Someone touched his shoulder and Derek punched before he was even aware of what he was doing. Chris stumbled back, and someone screamed far away.

“Hey, man, you need-” A man started but Chris waved him away.

“It’s ok, it’s ok. I’m fine…” He said as he looked at Derek who turned pale, anger quickly replaced by shame. Derek’s stomach grumbled and he stood there trying his best to not vomit. “Come on, let’s get you out of here before the police or the news vans show up…” Chris said grabbing Derek’s board and ushering the young wolf to his car.

As soon as Chris and Derek got in the car, Derek started sobbing babbling out apologies.

“Fuck, I’m so fucking- I’m so fucking sorry, shit. Chris, I didn’t mean, I didn’t mean for- I didn’t-” But soon he couldn’t talk and Chris just pulled him close, nuzzling his hair a little, kissing his forehead, shushing him. He just clung to Chris sobbing, his breath catching in his chest.

“Oh, Derek…” He whispered pulling him close and rubbing his back. After several long minutes, Derek took a few deep breaths and sat back in his seat. “Wanna go back to my place so we can talk? Or would you rather I just drop you at your dorm?” Derek choked up again for a minute and then took a shaky breath.

“Your place. Please. I don’t- I can’t-” Chris nodded and started the car. They drove in silence save the occasional sniffle from Derek. When they got to Chris’s, Derek had mostly stopped crying and they walked up to Chris’s apartment in silence. Chris closed and locked the door as Derek flopped on the couch, suddenly exhausted. He grabbed one of the couch pillows and flopped on his side. Chris went in the kitchen and came back with some glasses of ice water and a ham sandwich. Derek tried to not look too closely at Chris’s eye which had already started to bruise. Chris was going to have a nasty black eye.

“I didn’t know if you were hungry, but you should probably try to eat…” Derek sat up and sipped the water but just stared at the sandwich. They sat in silence for a minute and then Chris took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “What happened? Why were you drunk and shouting in the park?” Chris finally asked and Derek took a deep breath.

“A pigeon pooped on me…” Derek muttered and Chris raised his eyebrow. “I got fired today. And a few nights ago I got in a huge fight with Bo because I’m seeing Parrish, who I don’t even like but I can’t stand being alone, although Bo doesn’t know that. And Peter’s talking about not paying for my school any more because I got so many C’s last semester. Oh, and after you announced your name change, the media followed me around for like a month and I couldn’t buy weed because there was no way Peter would keep paying for my school if I got caught with something like that.” Derek shrugged, but once he said it all out loud, it was no wonder everything seemed so fucked. Chris raised his eyebrows and took a deep breath.

“Shit, man… That’s- That sucks so much.” Derek nodded a little and his lip trembled. He took a sip of water but had trouble swallowing because of the huge lump in his throat. “I’m sorry that I added stress, that wasn’t- I didn’t- That wasn’t my intention…” Derek shrugged and took a shaky breath.

“I just-” Derek shrugged. “Ever since Jennifer broke up with me, life has just been shit, and-” Chris looked up surprised, but said nothing. “I know, I know. But, I really loved her. And we were on and off again for so long… She was one of the first people I met here. It’s weird that a whole semester has gone by without her knowing what was going on in my life.” Chris took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “We were about to celebrate our three year anniversary.”

“Things weren’t this bad when-” Chris started and stopped. “I really screwed you over when I didn’t tell you who I was, didn’t I?” Derek bit his lip and closed his eyes.

“Everything just sucked and I just kept… not… handling it…” He paused. “Bo threatened to report me to housing after winter break because he came back to our room trashed and reeking of pot.”

“Jesus…” Chris growled.

“He didn’t,” Derek added quickly. “But if he had, I would have understood. He could have gotten in real trouble if housing had found the room like that. He _is_ an RA…”

“Yeah but he’s-” Chris paused. “He’s your friend. He knows you’re going through a hard time.”

“Yeah, but it’s not like he can afford to lose his job? He’s helping with the kids and putting himself through college, you know?” Chris shrugged a little. “Chris, you found me in the park drunk and yelling at a pigeon. Things aren’t exactly- I’m _not_ dealing well. And it’s starting to affect other people.”

“Which is why he shouldn’t-”

“No, that’s exactly why he should! Because, I mean, it’s one thing if I fuck myself over… It’s another to fuck other people over.”

“But-” Chris started and stopped. “He shouldn’t report you. Not- not to housing.”

“He didn’t. He isn’t going to because I’m not smoking in our room any more.”

“Well, good,” Chris said and took a drink of water. Derek grabbed the sandwich and took a large bite out of it. They both fell silent for a long time. Eventually Chris got up and refilled their glasses and sat down by Derek. He turned on the TV and flipped it to _Law and Order: SVU_ before taking Derek’s hand in his. “Is this ok?” He asked staring at the TV. Derek took a deep breath and leaned closer to Chris putting his head on his shoulder.

“Yeah, it’s fine.”

Derek woke up a few hours later and skateboarded back to the dorm. He smoked two cigarettes and called Peter.

“Hey Derek, I’m kind of busy, can I-”

“I got fired,” Derek interrupted. Peter sighed a little.

“Hang on.” There was some muffled talking in the background, and then Peter was back. “What happened?”

“It was the third time I was late without calling,” Derek explained.

“Why were you late?” Derek sighed a little.

“Things haven’t gotten better, Peter. Everything is still- I can’t do this any more. Something- something has to change,” Derek said. Peter took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“What can I do? How can I help?” Peter asked and Derek took a deep breath.

“I need to get into therapy, and I need you to let me be friends with Chris again,” Derek said. “He’s like one of the only people _not_ mad at me right now.”

“What did you do to Bo?” Peter asked. Derek bit his lip and all the words just spilled out, the smoking, the drinking, the sex, all of it. He couldn’t help himself. When he was done, Peter didn’t say anything for a long time.

“Why didn’t you tell me how bad your depression had gotten?” Peter asked finally.

“You wouldn’t listen. All you cared about was ‘putting out fires’ or whatever.”

“Yes, but this started before all that, this started with Jennifer. I didn’t even know you’d broken up. If I’d known I would have sent your sister to check up on you more, I would have-”

“Laura’s busy with grad school, she doesn’t have time to babysit me. I have my own friends here. Or I did…” Peter sighed.

“I can look into some local therapists for you, some AA too,” he said and paused for a minute. “And if Chris will help, just don’t make out in public.”

“I- I don’t think I can do- I don’t think I can go to school this semester. I think- I think I need to take some time off,” Derek said and Peter switched his phone to his other ear.

“Ok, I think that’s a good idea, too. You gonna be ok coming home? Should I make arrangements for an apartment up there?” Derek bit his lip, a little shocked. He didn’t think it was going to be this easy. “You still there?” Derek cleared his throat.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m still here, I just- I just- Thank you,” Derek said.

“You’re welcome, Derek. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Derek said. They talked for a few more minutes and Derek headed up to his room where he found Bo working on homework. Derek set his phone and pack of cigarettes on his nightstand and sat down at his desk chair.

“Bo, you busy?” Derek asked and Bo stiffened for a minute.

“Yeah, I need to get this paper done by two,” Bo said and kept typing.

“Oh, ok…” Derek said and picked up his phone and texted Chris.

_I know I just left but want to go get dinner or something? I need to talk some more and Bo…_ Derek sent the text and sighed. A minute later Chris called him.

“You ok?”

“Not really, I just got done talking to Peter and we’ve come up with some solutions. He’s going to call me after he gets off work and yeah…” This got Bo’s attention but Derek ignored him.

“Where would you like to eat?”

“I don’t care,” he said and scratched his head.

“How about Village Inn?” Chris offered.

“Sure, sure… Pancakes sound good,” Derek said.

“I’ll be there in twenty,” Chris said and they hung up.

“What’s going on?” Bo asked and Derek licked his lips.

“I’m taking the semester off.” Bo blinked at him. “I got fired, I give zero fucks about school, and nothing is getting better. Everything is so fucked.”

“When did you get fired?!” Bo asked.

“Today, a few hours ago. I got there late.”

“Wha- Derek, that sucks!” Derek shrugged a little. Bo took a deep breath and let it out. “Can I do anything to help?” Derek shook his head, no.

“I’ll be moving out soon, so I thought you should know,” Derek said, heart slamming in his chest.

“Oh,” Bo muttered and then nodded. “Ok… Where-”

“I don’t know yet… Peter’s offered to rent me an apartment here if I want,” Derek said. Bo nodded and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

“Well if you need help moving,” Bo said and Derek turned to grab his cigarettes, “I’ll be here.”

“I’ll let you know,” Derek murmured and took the elevator downstairs to wait for Chris, his breath caught in his throat. He didn’t know what he expected but that wasn’t it. The elevator opened on the ground floor and he crashed into someone, not really seeing them.

“Derek, are you ok?” Melissa asked as Scott and Stiles jumped on him.

“You missed my birthday!” Scott yelled even as he hugged tighter to Derek’s leg.

“Hi, Mel! Fine, fine,” he said as he tried to keep his voice steady. “It’s great to see you boys. I’m sorry I missed your birthday, Scotty.” He ruffled the boys’ hair and looked at Melissa. “How are you?” His voice cracked a little.

“Fine, Stiles just forgot his backpack, and I have to drop them at daycare in like twenty minutes so I can get to class.”

“Can’t we stay with Derbear?!” Stiles shrieked excitedly and Derek looked up, brushing tears out of his eyes.

“Normally guys, I would be happy to hang out with you, but I’ve actually gotta get going. I’ve got to meet a buddy of mine…” Scott immediately began crying and clung harder while Stiles pulled away.

“I told you he hated us,” he said glaring at Melissa and got on the elevator. The door closed before they could stop it.

“Fuck,” Melissa growled as she pulled out her phone. “Bo? Stiles is on the elevator alone.” Pause. “We ran into Derek and he threw a fit when Derek said he couldn’t watch them.” Pause. “Well it’s not _my fault_ that you two have been fighting-” Pause. “Whatever! I’m going to ask Derek to stay here with Scott and we’ll find him, just help me.” She hung up her phone and Derek just nodded. She dashed up the stairs and Derek sat down on a chair while he held Scott who had stopped crying. A bit later, Chris came in looking confused.

“What’s with the rugrat?” He asked.

“We lost Stiles,” Scott explained and wiped his nose on Derek’s sleeve. Finally, the elevator dinged and people got off including Bo, Melissa, and a screaming Stiles.

“No! No! He’s yucky, and I don’t want to!” Stiles shrieked.

“Stiles, you need to knock it off! You’ve got your backpack and now you’re going to daycare!” Melissa hissed, holding his hand tight. People were starting to stare.

“Sorry,” Derek said as he handed Scott over to Bo.

“Derek, wait-” Bo started but Derek bolted. He couldn’t stand Stiles’s screaming any more. Tears stung his eyes and he could barely see, but he made it to the parking lot, and Chris slid an arm over his shoulders and they walked to Chris’s car. They got in and Derek took several long breaths.

“Jesus _fucking_ Christ!” Derek gasped and Chris took his hand.

“How about we get some be- get some pizza and wings and go back to my place? If you’re still hungry?” Derek shrugged.

“I- I don’t really care,” he swallowed, “any more. I don’t-” Chris squeezed his hand.

“How about I just drive around for a while and then you can make up your mind when you’re ready?” Derek shrugged again.

“I’m not keeping you from classes, am I?” Chris shook his head, no.

“And even if you were, you’re more important anyway.” Derek said nothing, just squeezed back. They drove for a long time and Derek lost track of everything. He let his thoughts flutter, sometimes he cried, and he even slept briefly. When he woke up they were parked near a lake that he only half recognized and Chris was sitting on the hook of the car eating a Subway sandwich and chips. Silently, Derek got out and sat next to Chris. Without a word, Chris handed over the sandwich and Derek took a bite. They shared the sandwich and chips this way until they were gone. After a while Derek stood up and stretched.

“It’s beautiful out here,” he said. “I wish it wasn’t so cold, I want to go swimming.”

“I have a clawfoot bathtub,” Chris offered and Derek turned.

“I forgot about that!” He said and turned back to get in the car. Smiling a little, Chris got in the driver’s seat and drove them back to his apartment. When they got to the apartment, Chris immediately went in the bathroom and started the bath making sure to add lots of bubble bath and lighting a few candles. He grabbed a clean towel and put it on the closed toilet lid. When he came out, Derek looked a little sad again so Chris grabbed his laptop and went back to the bathroom. He stripped and slid in the water.

“Are you coming, or what?” Chris called and Derek came in as Chris put on _Parks and Rec_. “It’s big enough for two…” He said when Derek didn’t move.

“I don’t-” He cleared his throat. “I don’t want to have sex tonight,” he whispered, and Chris nodded a little.

“This isn’t about me, buddy. It’s about you. Whatever you need. If you’re more comfortable I can-” He started to get up but Derek shook his head.

“No, that- Thank- I want you to be here,” Derek said and stripped. “I just- I just wanted you to know that I don’t want to have sex tonight.”

“Ok,” Chris said. “We don’t have to have sex.” Derek climbed in the tub and leaned back on Chris, closing his eyes and pulling the other man’s arms over his chest.

“Thank you,” Derek murmured after a long moment and Chris rubbed his thumb over Derek’s chest.

“You’re welcome,” he whispered back.

***

Peter ended up not having a chance to call Derek back until the next morning, but Derek didn’t mind after the long day.

“How are you doing this morning?” Peter asked after Derek answered.

“I’m ok, yesterday was pretty fucking awful when we got off the phone but…”

“What happened?” Peter asked, and Derek told him. “I’m so sorry, that sounds really terrible,” Peter murmured and Derek sighed.

“I don’t know what to say to Bo, I don’t know what to say to his kids, I don’t-” But Peter interrupted him.

“It’s ok, it’s ok. That’s why we’re getting you help,” he said and Derek took a deep breath. “I’ve been looking, and there’s a really good outpatient facility near you, or if you think you need inpatient there’s a place a couple hours away that I’ve heard is excellent.”

“You mean rehab, not just therapy,” Derek said, and rubbed his face noting that he needed to shave.

“Yeah,” Peter agreed. Derek sighed and scratched his head. “I thought perhaps it would be more helpful, if you want it. I’m not going to make you go, I just wanted to give you the option.” Derek cleared his throat and nodded, not caring that Peter couldn’t see him.

“What’s the difference?”

“Cost, accessibility to doctors at all hours, the ability to see your friends, and the ability to relapse mostly. I mean, there’s a lot to be said about doing outpatient and still going to school, but since that is a stressor then you don’t have to. Doing outpatient can mean a better ability to continue, quote unquote normally, whereas you would be more secluded in the inpatient program.” Derek bit his lip. He didn’t really relish the idea of being cut off from Chris for a month, but he could still hear the boys’ sobbing. “You don’t have to make up your mind today,” Peter said pulling Derek from his thoughts.

“When do you need to know?” Derek asked.

“Well, I called the registrar today and you have until Friday to move out, so before Friday would be good, but if Chris will let you stay with him, you can stay there longer, or you can always come home…” Derek chewed the inside of his cheek. It was Wednesday.

“I’ll ask him, but I can’t imagine he would have a problem with me staying here a few days,” Derek said and Chris rubbed his back a little making Derek jump a little. He hadn’t known that Chris was awake.

“Ok, and as for your stuff?”

“I can put it in storage for now. All I know is I want to stay here, if that is really ok. I’ll come home if you think it’s really important.”

“No, it’s important that you stay where you feel safest, and if right now that is there at school then that is how it will be. I can arrange a few days off here and there and visit more. Your mother-” He paused. “I’m afraid I haven’t taken care of you as well as she would have liked but-”

“No, no,” Derek said. “You’ve been nothing but supportive, except for Chris, but I mean, I _do_ kind of get that. If things had been different, if I’d told you instead of you finding out on the news, things would have been different.”

“Perhaps,” Peter said. “Your sister wants you to call her, by the way. She doesn’t understand why she can’t go there and kick Jennifer’s ass.” Derek smirked a little and shook his head.

“Ok, I’ll call Laura,” he promised. They talked a bit longer and then Derek hung up and snuggled closer to Chris. “Do you think I could stay here for a little while? Just until I figure out what I want and need?” He asked as Chris wrapped his arms around the young wolf.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” he said kissing Derek’s forehead. “You can stay here as long as you need. I’m here for you.” Derek kissed his cheek.

“I should go start packing up my stuff and find a storage place,” he said and got out of bed. After getting dressed they went to McDonald’s for breakfast and then to the dorms where they found Bo reading.

“Hey,” he said tugging an earbud out of his ear and standing up. “You’re ok!” He hugged Derek tight, shocking the young wolf. “I wanted to text you, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted to hear from me.”

“I thought you had a class,” Derek managed still crushed close to Bo.

“It’s fine. I wanted to make sure I didn’t miss you. I wanted to say sorry, and tell you that I care about you a lot, and-” Derek squeezed his friend back.

“It’s ok, it’s ok,” he whispered.

“No, no it’s not,” Bo whispered back and he cleared his throat. When they pulled apart Bo wiped his cheek and took a deep breath. “I see you two have been reunited then?”

“Yeah,” Chris said. “His uncle finally caved.”

“I told him everything,” Derek explained.

“Did he cut you off?!” Bo asked, and Derek shook his head.

“He realized that right now I need all the friends I can get, and Chris is good for me.” Bo nodded a little.

“What did he say about- about all your drinking and-”

“We’re looking into different rehab programs,” Derek said and Bo took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“That’s- that’s so good. I’m- I’m so glad. I was so scared…” Bo hugged him again and they started packing up Derek’s things. At some point someone put on some music and it didn’t take long to pack everything up. When they were done they went to lunch and it was almost like old times. Eventually Bo had to go to class, but Chris stayed with Derek. They wandered around campus for a bit and then Derek called Parrish. It felt weird that there were so few people he had to talk to. As the phone rang, he wondered whether Deaton knew he was taking the semester off. Parrish answered on the third ring.

“Hey, man! How the hell have you been? Haven’t heard from you in a few days!” Parrish said, and Derek wrinkled his nose trying to not cry.

“Hey, I’m working on being better. That’s- that’s actually what I called to talk about. Are you- are you in your room?”

“Yeah,” Parrish said. “You wanna come up and tell me what’s going on?”

“Yeah, yeah I do…” Derek said and left Chris to tell Parrish. After Derek finished talking, Parris wiped the tears in his eyes, and hugged Derek tight.

“I knew things were bad, but I’ve always been a little bit in love with you. I had to try even though I saw the way you and Bo look at each other…” Derek raised his eyebrow but Parrish just hugged him tight, kissed him one last time, and gently kicked him out. “I’m really happy you’re getting help but I have a paper and-” Derek squeezed his hand.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you,” Derek whispered and Parrish nodded.

“I know, I know. I’ll be fine. You go take care of yourself,” he said and closed the door. Derek hesitated for a minute but eventually went to Claudia and Melissa’s for dinner. He was not at all surprised to find Chris already there. Scott sprang up from the floor to hug Derek but Stiles completely ignored him. Melissa started to chide him, but Derek shook his head.

“It’s fine,” he said and they dropped it. When Bo showed up, Claudia put enchiladas in the oven and they sat around the small apartment talking and waiting. Scott and Stiles played in their room quietly while the grown ups just talked about everything and nothing. Derek hated that Parrish wasn’t there, but he understood. Bo had tried to warn him, and he couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it, but then again. At dinner Scott sat in Derek’s lap and Stiles smooshed himself between his moms. Derek tried to not let it bug him, tried to tell himself that Stiles would come around, but it was hard.

After dinner Derek went back to Chris’s and they curled up on the couch watching TV. Derek shoved his face in Chris’s shoulder pretending to not cry and Chris pretended to not notice. They fell asleep fully clothed on the couch and woke up at two in the morning cold and sore. They wandered into Chris’s room and talked for a few minutes while they stripped to their boxers and curled under the blankets.

“You know, I know this maybe kind of sudden, but you don’t need to find a storage place if you want to move in here,” Chris murmured to the ceiling and Derek hmmed a little. “I have a second room, and it’s tiny, but it’s yours if you want it. We’ll need to get you a bed, but-” Derek jerked up a little when he realized that Chris was being for real.

“Are you- are you serious?”

“I mean, I’m using it as an office, but really that just means a place to shove all the shit I don’t use on a daily basis. It’ll be cramped, but it’d be easier than trying to find your own place, especially if you want to get started on therapy stuff within the next week or so,” Chris said and Derek kissed his cheek.

“Thank you so much,” he whispered and took his friend’s hand. “Thank you for being there for me. Thank you…” Chris just nodded and rubbed Derek’s back.

“Any time, friend. Any time.” Eventually they went back to sleep and when Derek woke up again he felt ready to take on the day for the first time in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't just the end, just the end for now.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this update!


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